Let's begin with the staff. There have been two "trainers" I have seen while working out. The first one is a red-headed woman in her early thirties who wears one of those Gomer Pyle army caps in addition to her workout uniform. She has had this very bizarre and out-of-place hat on every single time I have seen her. Anyway, I never really see her doing anything active. In fact, the day I came in to sign up, she was online shopping (I really can't blame her, though...I'd be the same way!). Finally, the other day, I saw her helping out a few clients. Hubs picked up on how annoying she and her client were because he was in closer proximity to them. I was on the Precor machine and had on my headphones (probably watching more reality tv smut, fo sho!), so I really wasn't aware of what was going on. Anyway, I guess they were up in arms about the leaky ceiling and they didn't know what to do. Whatevs.
The other day, I was at the gym by myself and Red was helping these two older women with their workouts. When I first got there, they were doing some sort of kickboxing workout. I had forgotten my headphones, so I was bored and couldn't help but watch them as they were working out. They kept noticing me watching them, and then I got self-conscious and worried that they thought I was judging them or something, so I tried to tune them out and listen to the delightful 80s station that was playing. So, there I was once again on the Precor, just minding my own business and contemplating how love really is like a battlefield, when I looked over to see Red going into her little office area and opening up the fridge. I thought nothing of it until she walked out of the office and...STARTED GNAWING ON A BIG BLOCK OF CHEESE THAT SHE HAD REMOVED FROM SAID FRIDGE! WTF?!! And not only was she eating a block of cheese in a gym, but she was also reading a magazine whilst "training" these two women! In between bites of her extra sharp cheddar (ok, that's an assumption on my part), Minnie Mouse would offer little tidbits of encouragement and advice to her clients. Wow, world's best trainer right there. Kudos to you, Red! I will certainly be a-calling in the upcoming weeks to get advice from you. Her professionalism was just astounding.
I was at the gym again yesterday afternoon for an hour-long workout. This time, Red was nowhere to be seen. Instead, some dude I had never seen before was the trainer on duty. Now, I have no room to cast judgment in the body area, but I am a bit surprised at the trainers at this place. They just don't look like they're in good shape. At all. Anyway, so I headed right to my lovely Precor machine, only to find that the stupid television did not work AGAIN. I can't switch machines, though, because this is the only Precor machine of its kind in the place and I burn the most calories on it. There I was, tv-less. The guy had some uninspiring music playing--kinda sounded like early nineties slow rock; I was half-expecting Kenny G to blast from the speakers at any second. This brings up my next gripe. When I'm at a gym, I want fast music to be playing. I want to feel like Rocky and hear "Eye of the Tiger". I want DMX to make me angry. I want Cake's "Going the Distance". I need to be inspired to sweat, not inspired to grab my boyfriend and slow dance to Michael Bolton's greatest hits. Again, WTF??
So there I was, rocking it out to Phil Collins' "Paradise" when I noticed the trainer had some peeps over by the sitting area. Two of these peeps were toddlers who started running and screaming all over the place. I love little kids; they're my faves...but I do not want to see them running around and screaming all over the gym. They could get hurt, for crying out loud, and I was watching them nervously instead of concentrating on running fast! Seriously, this guy had so many family members (I heard him tell some other clients the peeps were his sisters and in-laws) that I felt I had imposed on some sort of family reunion. All that seemed to be missing was Granny's famous potato salad.
While I am half-annoyed by the whole situation, I'm also intrigued. It's kind of making me excited for my next gym visit, because obviously this is a place where anything can happen. What's next, an ice cream stand built in next to the water machine? A wine and cheese tasting party while you work out? Seriously, I just can't wait. This place seems to have more drama than any of the reality programs I've become addicted to as of late, and at least I can burn mega calories while watching this show. So, faithful readers, stay tuned for another episode of "Aaaaas the Stationary Bike Tuuuurns...."