Monday, April 30, 2012
Things that Go Bump in the Night.
Unfortunately, I believe in ghosts. I have had several encounters in my life that I've tried my hardest to rationalize, but alas, I just can't.
That being said (I feel like Larry David whenever I say that...anyone else a fan of Curb Your Enthusiasm?), I am 90% sure the stupid hotel where we're staying is haunted.
And I think the dude who is haunting our hotel lives in our bathroom.
I can't prove this beyond a shadow of a doubt, but I hear a lot of strange noises coming from there, and no, they're not from Hubs.
In order to avoid any scary encounters, I've been trying to fall asleep before Hubs. You see, my theory is that once I'm asleep, Mr. Scary Ghost Man won't be able to haunt me. I'm such an amateur, I know. Anyway, there have only been two nights while we've been staying here where I've been unsuccessful.
Last night was one of them.
I don't know why the Hubaroo was so exhausted, but he was snoring literally one minute after he turned off the television.
As you all know from reading previous blog posts, it's never a good thing when I'm left to my own devices.
And in this case, "devices" means imagination.
The night dragged on, and pretty soon, I had been wide awake and in bed for hours.
Hubs was no help.
He actually made the situation even worse by snoring.
In order to keep my mind off of scary ghosts who may or may not have wandered from the bathroom into the bedroom, I began to study my husband's snoring pattern.
It was very erratic. At first, it would start out sounding like coffee percolating. And then somewhere in the middle, it started to sound like a deflating balloon sounds when you squeeze out of all of the air. And finally, it started to taper off after the motorboat period, which is probably self explanatory. Sometimes it would go straight from percolating coffee to motorboat, then to deflating balloon, then back to motorboat.
At one point, I started giggling hysterically and had to hide my head in the pillow. I was giggling so much that the bed started to shake. Hubs stirred and I thought I was successful in waking him up, but then he just went right back to Motorboat World.
After the giggling fit subsided, I became even more freaked out, and so I reasoned that since most husbands and wives feel psychically linked to one another, I would give that a go. So, in my head, I began chanting, "Hubs, wake up! Hubs, wake up!"
And it worked! But I think it had more to do with the fact that I started screaming this chant out loud rather than keep it in my head.
Sadly, that rat bastard woke up for two seconds, sighed, and fell right back to sleep.
I spent the rest of the night on the couch with the light on.
...but not before I made enough noise getting out of bed and
slamming the bedroom door.
I heard him recommence snoring before my butt even hit the couch.