Bachelor Pad: Booze and Gymnastics Don't Mix.

In this week's episode, Erica gushes about getting a rose.  She says David has to kiss up to her in order to win her back.  Meanwhile, the twins are drunk and fighting.  They're bawling and blabbing all over the place.  They fight like an insecure couple who's dating, and then they make up right away.  It's crazy.

I am bitter that I don't have a twin.

Chris B. Harrison comes in the next day to announce the competition on the show.  Today's contest?  Rhythmic gymnastics.  Erica says there's no way that she'll win because she's not good at performing or remembering choreography.  Sarah says she couldn't even do those positions in the bedroom.  Tony said he needs a competition that's more manly.  DDB (that's me, btw) says she needs a drink that is stronger!

Three gymnasts come in to train the contestants before they have to perform.  Everyone sucks, but I can't really say much because I know I'd be awful at something like this.  I actually like Erica during this segment because she really did suck, but at least she says a lot of funny stuff while practicing.  Mike and David seem to have the best grasp on it for the guys.

Blakely, Jamie, and Donna do really well during practice, and the rest of the girls say they know who's going to win.

The girls all look great in their unitards.  I hate them for it.  When the guys come out in their ridic outfits, the girls all check out their packages.

Then the judges come out.  Ashley and JP come back to judge.  Some professional gymnast also comes out to judge.

The ladies go first.  Erica Rose doesn't even try.  She basically just goes and does some hi-yah kicks.  I was actually impressed with this, since I try to incorporate such martial arts kicks into my dancing.  Everyone was so bad that it was hard to even tell if anyone in that pile of hot messes was good.  The professional gymnast looked shocked and sickened.  Like, I seriously thought she was going to throw up.

The guys were definitely better than the ladies, with Michael and David being the best of the bunch.  From what I saw, Michael was probably the best.  Donna must have thought so, too, since she told the camera she'd like Michael to tie her up with the ribbons he was using in the guys' performance.  The professional gymnast told the guys they were "amazing."  I wouldn't go that far, but they certainly were much better than the women.

The judges voted Erica Rose and Ed was the worst performers, so they now have a vote against them.
Today's winners were Blakely and Michael.

Because Blakely won, Chris is bumming.  You see, this means Chris has to continue to kiss up and be partners with Blakely, even though he's not that into her.  Have I mentioned how much I don't like Chris?

The next segment is of Donna eating a banana and talking about how much she likes Michael.  She says guys usually like her right away, but she has to work at it with him.  It must be so hard being that conceited.

Erica and Michael talk, and Michael promises he'll keep Erica safe.  Erica assumes that this means Michael is taking her along on his group date tonight.  Instead, Michael chooses Donna, Rachel, and Lindzi.  Erica says it's not fair if he gives the rose to Donna because she's just a fan.  And Erica is just a wench.

They walk into this theater, and a band is playing.  I have no idea which band is playing, but I can guarantee their career plummets now that they've performed on this show.

Michael and Rachel make out in front of the other girls at the show.  Donna just shakes her head.

Back at the house, everyone is celebrating Jamie's 26th birthday.  Her partner, Ryan the virgin, decorates her bed with Twizzlers and marshmallows.  He says she's the type of girl he'd be proud to take home to his mom, but I have a feeling that she's going to be a major letdown.  That comes out when Jamie talks to the camera.  She's hoping to switch partners in order to be with Chris.  She says she's been trying to impress him--she even brushed her teeth and flossed and everything!!

I guess she doesn't do that all the time??

Chris is playing Jamie and admits to the camera that he's manipulating her to do what he wants.  He says it's not typical of him to sweet talk a girl and not mean it, but he's here to play the game.  Um, why wouldn't someone like Chris like someone like Jamie??  If you ask me, she's WAY out of his league.

Then we go back to Michael's date with the three ladies of his choice.  Michael and Donna make out.  Donna is "soooooooooo happy right now."  Then Michael has the opportunity to save one of the girls by giving out a rose, so he gives it to Rachel.  Donna is unhappy and says she guesses Michael just isn't that into her.  Poor thing.  She's far too young to get jaded so quickly.

Chris then finds Blakely and tells her that he's using Jamie.  Blakely asks if he has her back, and CHris says yes.  Then he gets in bed with Blakely and makes out with her.  What a loser.

Jamie walks in on Chris and Blakely making out.  Jamie starts crying.  YOU ARE BETTER OFF, GIRLFRIEND!!!!

Then they show Chris and Blakely sleeping in the bottom bunk, and Jamie sleeping on the top bunk.  How bizarre.  The next day, Blakely chooses Dave, Ed, and Chris to go out on a date with her.  They all get to make their own box derby cars, which they will race.  David acts really cute, which pisses Chris off to no end.  He says if David gets the rose, the "shit's gonna hit the fan."

I feel sorry for Blakely because she really acts like she's the bachelorette on the show.  She acts as though she's going to give the rose to Dave, but she ends up giving it to Chris, who immediately turns into a cocky jerk.

Once they return from their date, Ed gets drunk (surprise) and starts drinking out of the trophy he won in the derby race contest.

Sarah and Ed start making out.  She said earlier she didn't want to be the only girl not to hook up.  Um, are we in college??

Everyone is pissed at the twins because all they do is fight.  It really is annoying.  Honestly, they should've chosen older fans.  These girls are probably still in college and should not be on this stupid show anyway.

It gets better: apparently Erica likes Dave, so she doesn't want to leave, but Brittany is fed up and wants to leave.  Now they are both leaving, and Dave doesn't even say goodbye to poor Erica when she wakes him out of a deep sleep.  The two fight all the way to the airport.  I really don't know what the hell was going on.

Their departure means no woman will be voted off.  At some point, a bunch of the ladies got together to vote off Ryan, but now others are going to vote off Ed because he's a threat.  I mean, if a drunk, blabbering idiot who drinks hot tub water out of a plastic trophy is a threat, then yeah, I can see your train of thought.  Sarah tells Ed she voted for him, which throws him for a loop because he and Sarah hooked up the night before.  So Ed goes upstairs to pack while Sarah starts crying.  She feels terrible and stupid for voting for him and then telling him.  Um, what the hell did she think would happen when she told him she voted for him?  I don't get this show, but that makes me really happy because I think it means I'm too smart to get them.

I'd also like to comment on Jamie's Michael Jackson gloves.  What the hell was she thinking?  Is she Madonna?  No.  Is she Lady Gaga?  No.  Is she Michael Jackson?  No.  THOSE ARE THE ONLY TWO PEOPLE WHO CAN PULL OFF WEARING 80'S GLOVES, JAMIE!!!!!

Ryan leaves, which means Jamie is partner-less.  Now she thinks the only way she can win is if she's partners with Chris.  Why does everyone perceive him as the leader?  You can tell this show was made before the entire Bachelorette aired.  First, Blakely described him as athletic, but that couldn't be further from the truth.  And then two women--Blakely and Jamie--said he had a lot of power.

Next week's episode seems to deal a lot with Chris rejecting Jamie and gloating about it, in addition to Ed and Reid hating on each other.

I miss the twins already.