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Tuesday, May 28, 2013

The Bachelorette is Back!

The Bachelorette is back, and with that, so is my blog!  Hooray!!  Desiree from Sean's season is going to entertain us for the next few months, and within the first minute of the start of the show, Desiree starts crying.  This is going to be awesome, you guys.  I think there are going to be lots of tears and overuse of the word "journey."

To start the season, we see Desiree driving up in an old Honda.  I foolishly thought ABC was having severe budget problems, but then Chris B. Harrison appears and gives Des a mansion and a Bentley for her stay.

Des takes the car out for some fun in Malibu.  She decides to go rollerskating because this is obviously 1975.  She also looks exactly like Katie Holmes:

This is crazy!

After Des and Chris B. Harrison have several heart-to-hearts, it was time to meet the men, who are all adorable:

1. Bryden is from Montana and is a 26-year-old soldier.
2.  Will is 28 and a banker from Chicago.  He also does yoga and is adorable.
3.  Drew, a twenty-seven year old from Arizona, is a digital marketer.
4.  Nick, from Chicago, is a tailor/magician.  He is also annoying.
5.  Zak, from Texas, is a drilling fluid engineer.  He is also hot and walks around the house without his shirt.  Did I mention he's hot?
6.  Robert, an advertising entrepreneur from L.A., is 30 and cute.
7.  Mike, originally from London, is currently a dental student in Dallas.  He's 28.  Unfortunately, he no longer has his British accent.  I love British accents.
8.  Brandon is a painting contractor from Costa Mesa, California.  He's 26 and loves to be outside.  Brandon did not have an easy time growing up.  His dad left when he was little, and his mom, he says, was a good mom when she wasn't drunk.  I think he's adorable, and I think he and Des would make a good match.  I'm not sure if he's my favorite, but he's certainly in the top five.
9.  Brooks is 28 and a marketing consultant from Salt Lake City.  He was really, really nervous when he met Des, which makes him adorable in my book.  He seems like a sweet guy.
10.  Brad, 27, is an accountant from Denver.  He gives Des a wishbone.  She gets the larger piece, which I think he rigged.  It's a cute idea.
11.  Michael G. is a thirty-one-year-old federal prosecutor from Miami.  He tries to find the penny that Des made a wish on during Sean's season, but he couldn't.  Instead, he and Des throw new pennies into the fountain.  Boring!
12.  Kasey is from San Luis Obispo, California.  He's an ad executive who works in social media.  He says hashtag before every work and nicknames Des Athena.  He's annoying and I want him gone, Des.  Also, why does there have to be a Kasey on every single season of both The Bachelor and The Bachelorette??
13.  Mikey T, from Winfield Illinois, is a plumbing contractor and thirty years old.  I don't remember him at all.
14.  Jonathan is a lawyer from Hickory, North Carolina.  He gives Des an envelope and a key to the fantasy suite when they first meet.  He then tries to take her to a fantasy suite that he's created in the mansion.  It's all creepy and a bit put-on, I believe.  Needless to say, Des sends him home--even BEFORE the rose ceremony starts.  I think he was drunk.  I wish I was.
15.  James is twenty-seven and an ad executive from Chicago, just like every other guy on this show.
16.  Larry is an ER doctor.  He's 34 and was my favorite, even though he didn't get a rose.  I think his sense of humor is very dry and sarcastic, and I think Des just didn't know when he was being serious and when he was kidding.  I kind of love him in a BFF-kind of way.
17.  Zack K. is a book publisher from Newport Beach, California.  Zack K., I want your job.  Thanks.
18.  Diogo is twenty-nine and a ski resort manager from Lake Tahoe.  He shows up in armor, which was bizarre.  Des dumps him the first chance she gets.
19.  Chris, 27, is a mortgage broker from Seattle.  He gets down on one knee and asks Desiree if it's ok if he ties his shoe.  It's dumb, but she likes it.  Oh, Des, we have such different senses of humor.  I'm glad I'm not looking to marry you.
20.  Juan Pablo is a thirty-one-year-old former soccer pro who lives in Miami.  I don't think he's all that, but Des is pretty smitten.
21.  Brian is 29 and from Baltimore.  He's a financial advisor.  I don't remember Brian.
22.  Micah is a law student from Denver.  He's 32 and shows up in a suit that he made.
23.  Nick M. is an investment advisor from Charlotte, North Carolina.  He recites a poem for Des.  I think a seven-year-old wrote it for him.
24.  Dan, 20, is a beverage sales director from Vegas.  I wish I was from Vegas.
25.  Ben is 28 and an entrepreneur from Dallas.  He brings his son to meet Des.  He tells Des that he is his best friend.  Des later asks Ben about his son's mom.  He says that two friends had a baby, and the mom is his best friend.  Ben is going to give us a lot of drama this season, and for this reason, he had me at hello...or whatever his first word was.

I'm really sick of ABC letting the bachelor/ette give out so many roses before the rose ceremony because it means I have to scramble to remember the people who are given roses.  That's two emotionally draining for me, ABC.  Anyway, this episode seemed really short to me and pretty boring, but here's a list of the people I'm 87% sure got roses:

1. Ben (I <3 drama="" p="">2. Bryden
3. Robert
4. Zach K.
5. Zak
6. Will
7. Brooks
8. Juan Pablo
9.  Brad
10. Kasey (his name will get him far)
11. James
12.  Ray ( I have no idea who this is...there is no Ray on the list, yet I swear she called this person Ray)
13.  Dan
14. Chris
15. Mikey
16. Brandon (Gave her his mom's AA coin...how...sweet?)

Anyway, the magician, Larry, Jonathan, knight in shining armor, suit man, and Nick R. do not get roses.  There could be others, I don't know.

Then ABC showed scenes from this season.  Holy hotness, Batman!  Everyone cries and fights!  There are sure to be some very dramatic rose ceremonies, not to mention a ton of journeys.  I just can't wait to see what happens!


  1. I couldn't ask for a better summary. I don't think I am going to watch it this season--I just can't handle the drama. Then again, I have said that every season...I look forward to more!

  2. I watched this just because of you. ;-)


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